A question of success

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Here’s a question!  How do you define success?  Are you successful? How do you know?  Dee and I have been talking about this for a while, and she uses the following quote in one of her wellbeing talks:

Success is no longer defined in the traditional manner. It is defined by how much passion and joy each one of us can experience on a daily basis.

Steve Rother

Have you made a success of your life if you have a fancy car, a big house, countless holidays, but you’re deeply unhappy?  Does that count?  Or is success really about overcoming all the obstacles which have been placed in your path, to leave you surrounded by love and family? Is being successful still being married after many years, though there’s no love or happiness in the marriage? Is success determined by how others see you, or is it determined by how you see yourself? Or is success all about removing the things that are not joyful so you can spend your time with the things that are?

I recently had cause to think about this question because of two people I met.

The first had been brought up in a “normal” family home, and on the face of it had all they could want: love, attention, clothes, food on the table, no poverty, no abuse, no real big issues.  Yet when I met them they’d become consumed by bitterness and anger, to the extent that I couldn’t spend time with them to find out what had caused those feelings.  They were obnoxious and seemed to take joy in insulting anyone and everyone they spoke to.  They’d had years of ill health and stress, but their behaviour seemed to me to be making further health issues more likely, not less.  Ill health had forced a semi-retirement status on them, and their marriage had failed.  I haven’t discounted the possibility that those are all reasons for the anger and bitterness, and I’m trying to be compassionate when I think that the person could be happier.

The second person had not had a great start in life, had had to literally fight for anything and everything they could get.  Now, for all there were apparent anger issues which seemed to be well under control, they had a family (including grandchildren), a “decent” job and a position in that job that commanded respect.  Life hadn’t been easy, but they’d made the best of it, worked hard and seemed to be doing well for themselves: not necessarily in a financial way, but definitely in terms of being surrounded by love and joyfulness.  Being totally honest, seeing how this person had turned out made me quite emotional: they were truly awesome in my eyes, having apparently beaten the odds to become who they are now.

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I’m not sure I have any answers for you, probably just more questions.  I don’t believe that material goods have anything to do with defining whether you’re successful or not. I think that for me, success is about being happy in yourself, about having a positive effect on others. It’s about doing good because that’s the right thing to do, not because that’s what your neighbours, peers or society expect you to do. It’s not about being seen by others to do be doing well, it’s about being honest with yourself and knowing that you are happy and content.

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2 thoughts on “A question of success”

  1. I think success can truly only be defined individually. However, I do think there is an American mindset that says it’s only success if it’s money and if you had less I’d have more. I’ve had to learn the hard way. My divorce cost me everything and I was angry and bitter. Then I realized I had what truly mattered, wonderful and loving relationships with my daughters. Their father is not part of their life (they were adults when he left me). So even though I am facing bankruptcy and homelessness, currently have no health insurance and have had to move too many times in four years, it doesn’t matter. I have the daughters’ love and so I count myself successful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you have the right attitude Dede. Without the love of those who matter most to us, we have nothing.
      When I was getting divorced, my ex asked for – and got – a lot of stuff from the house. To me it was stuff that could be replaced, though it may take years to do so. It had no sentimental or other value, they were just things. Human relations- people – are what matter. I know I’m lucky to have found the love of a wonderful woman, and have also got closer to those others who matter to me, so I count myself blessed.

      Liked by 1 person

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