The Girl Code – Have you heard of it?

This may seem like a very odd subject for a man of my age to be writing about, but in recent months I’ve become aware of the phenomenon known as The Girl Code.  The main rule seems to be that you shouldn’t date your friend’s ex, but I’ve become aware of a more worrying behaviour: trying to entice a man away from his current relationship, even though he’s incredibly happy.

I guess the first example I can provide of this is from the film Bugsy Malone.  There’s a scene in which Tallulah and Bugsy are talking in Fat Sam’s Grand Slam Speakeasy, and Bugsy’s girlfriend, Blousy, walks in.  Tallulah sees her and gives Bugsy a kiss, then leaves him to face the music.  That’s obviously breaking a code of behaviour which most of us probably take for granted.

I’ve also recently found out that a girl (let’s call her Z) known to someone close to me (we’ll call her A) repeatedly tried to seduce A’s boyfriend, particularly when A was away on holiday.  Another girl, Y, was a good friend of A, and tried to do the same, often when out as a four with A and their respective partners.  Their excuse? It was because they’d had too much to drink.  My thoughts on that?  If you’ve drunk so much you don’t know right from wrong, and don’t respect your friend’s feelings, then you’ve had way too much to drink.

Closer to home, since starting my new relationship (and I’ve made no secret of that relationship), I have had a number of texts and emails from female friends.  On the face of it they’re just being friendly, but dig a little deeper and they appear to be sounding me out, to see if I’d rather be with them.  (For the record, I wouldn’t: I’m very happy with my partner, Dee, and I’m totally committed to her and our relationship.)

This all seems to be contrary to the Girl Code I mentioned earlier.  If a person’s Facebook (and actual relationship) status was “single”, then I’d say they’re fair game. But if it’s clear from their posts, their comments etc that they are in a relationship, you should steer clear.

Respect yourself, respect the object of your affections and respect their current partner: in short, respect the Girl Code.

As an aside – this works the other way too: if there’s not a Guy Code then there should be, and guys, you need to respect it.

 

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4 thoughts on “The Girl Code – Have you heard of it?”

  1. I think women are more afraid of being without a man than men are if being without a woman. Society still says a woman is less than others when she isn’t half of a couple. Men can take their time selecting a wife. They can play and marry at 40 to someone 28 and still have children. Women can’t do that. Society says women who are attractive to men are worth more. I think that is why girls break some unknown code. Honestly I’ve never heard that code in reference to women. I’ve heard men say they wouldn’t date the ex of a friend but never a woman.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and for commenting Dede. I’ve no doubt that you’re right in a lot of what you say, that some men do “play” for longer than women and take advantage of the fact they can become parents easier than women when they’re older, but the examples I mentioned had a broad age range and involved women taking the lead role. They involved girls in their early 20s – one of whom actually said to her friend “I know you like so and so, so I’m going after him” – and women in their 40s and 50s. As I say, my piece was based on personal experience, and I don’t like that behaviour, irrespective of who is breaking the code. It’s disrespectful to everyone involved.

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      1. I would say there really was never a true friendship and those that make the choice to pursue someone else’s partner lacks moral integrity, honesty, loyalty and so many more traits there isn’t room to list them. I would definitely spend no time with anyone like that. Good blog

        Liked by 1 person

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