This may seem like a very odd subject for a man of my age to be writing about, but in recent months I’ve become aware of the phenomenon known as The Girl Code. The main rule seems to be that you shouldn’t date your friend’s ex, but I’ve become aware of a more worrying behaviour: trying to entice a man away from his current relationship, even though he’s incredibly happy.
I guess the first example I can provide of this is from the film Bugsy Malone. There’s a scene in which Tallulah and Bugsy are talking in Fat Sam’s Grand Slam Speakeasy, and Bugsy’s girlfriend, Blousy, walks in. Tallulah sees her and gives Bugsy a kiss, then leaves him to face the music. That’s obviously breaking a code of behaviour which most of us probably take for granted.
I’ve also recently found out that a girl (let’s call her Z) known to someone close to me (we’ll call her A) repeatedly tried to seduce A’s boyfriend, particularly when A was away on holiday. Another girl, Y, was a good friend of A, and tried to do the same, often when out as a four with A and their respective partners. Their excuse? It was because they’d had too much to drink. My thoughts on that? If you’ve drunk so much you don’t know right from wrong, and don’t respect your friend’s feelings, then you’ve had way too much to drink.
Closer to home, since starting my new relationship (and I’ve made no secret of that relationship), I have had a number of texts and emails from female friends. On the face of it they’re just being friendly, but dig a little deeper and they appear to be sounding me out, to see if I’d rather be with them. (For the record, I wouldn’t: I’m very happy with my partner, Dee, and I’m totally committed to her and our relationship.)
This all seems to be contrary to the Girl Code I mentioned earlier. If a person’s Facebook (and actual relationship) status was “single”, then I’d say they’re fair game. But if it’s clear from their posts, their comments etc that they are in a relationship, you should steer clear.
Respect yourself, respect the object of your affections and respect their current partner: in short, respect the Girl Code.
As an aside – this works the other way too: if there’s not a Guy Code then there should be, and guys, you need to respect it.